I've never learned so much about myself and the beautiful life I am blessed with
I'm not afraid to admit I do not like the person I've become over the last year
I'm slowly flushing that away
It's about time to bring back Rachel. She's been hiding under this ugly mask I've been wearing, slowly sinking away from the surface. This is not who I wanted to become, this is not who I dreamed of becoming. I feel like Spiderman in the third movie: overcome by this black suit that feels so good but in turn is so self destructive.
I can say I've learned so much; the old Rachel had never loved, lost, or felt real pain. Only through these can we really learn a lesson told over and over. There's nothing more effective than bleeding by your own sword. It's like you have to rip your own heart out yourself to understand the pain you can inflict on another.
I'm slowly learning.
On the other hand, God has opened my eyes to the beauty of life again. I don't think any of us really see the amazing world we live in. There's nothing like the sound of a baby giggling to show you how simply beautiful life is.
Tuesday, December 28th, 2010 was one of the most overwhelmingly joyous days I've ever experienced: the day my baby nephew was born (Ella's birth was just as special but Luke's just came at a different point in my life). A wave of emotion hit me when I entered the hospital room that night. Everyone had so much love in their eyes, I had never seen such happiness. All of which was centered around the life I held in my arms, fresh and new for the world.
There's nothing more real than that.
Don't focus on the bad in your life
God has created so much good.
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