This is who I really am. No lies, no hiding. Just me fresh and real.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
And sometimes you're 27 and you're doing laundry on a Saturday and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You're just standing there thinking about walking the dog and what to make for dinner. And also more exciting things like your new management position and close friends getting married and trips you plan on taking. And suddenly you wonder how you got to here, got to this point. What all those choices meant to you along the way, where your life would be without them. And that maybe in another universe you had chosen a different way and your life is not better but just...different. Maybe there are millions of you with different lives and millions of universes that don't have a you at all. And that this one is so special because this is the one you were born in to. And that is so beautiful.
“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”
It's no secret I've been through my share of break ups. Sometimes the dumper, sometimes the dumpee. Either way, it really sucks. Through each one I've found certain things help and other just make it worse. This is my heartbreak cure:
In the first 24-48 hours:
1. Cry. Let this period of time be dedicated to being sad. Look at the old pictures, reminisce on how great you felt with him/her, eat ice cream, listen to depressing music, and just cry. Trust me, if you pent it up, it'll work it's way to the surface eventually and be exponentially worse. Don't be afraid to cry in public places, people might surprise you. I walked into HEB bawling to buy two bottles of wine. The bagger gave me a hug.
2. DO NOT TEXT/CALL HIM/HER. This is absolutely vital. It hurts and not talking to them makes the cut even deeper but whatever you do, try your best to restrict contact.
3. If you decide to drink, do not do it alone. That will lead to drunken texts to your ex about how much you miss them or, if you're like me, drunken texts filled with angry words.
4. Watch these two amazing videos by Tyler Oakley (he holds all knowledge):
5. Reach out to your friends. They're your friends for a reason. Call your mom or a friend immediately after it happens. It's better to tell them while you're already upset and crying instead of having to bring it up later along with all those emotions.
The next few days-weeks:
1. Rid your room of all memorabilia of the relationship. You can't have a constant reminder of how much it sucks without them. Put everything away in a box and put it at the top of your closet or entrust it with a friend or family member. Or feel free to burn it, whatever works for you.
2. Feel free to text him/her but be rational. Do not start a fight, you'll just end up going in circles. Don't gush about missing them. Still keep contact restricted.
3. Delve into a hobby or sport. It'll feel good to make something with your hands or burn off all those calories you consumed the first two days. If you hate running, run when you feel like crying. There's nothing more distracting than pushing yourself.
4. Call your family often and hang out with your friends as much as possible. I was lucky enough to be broken up with right before Thanksgiving break. You're going to feel alone- just try to make it as minimal as possible.
A few weeks-a month later:
1. Reflect on the relationship. Not in a nostalgic way, but as a lesson. Broken relationships serve to teach us. Look back and try to recognize what you might have done wrong so you can improve in the future.
2. Go out. Get crazy with you friends because you can. Dance on a bar and shamelessly hit on people.
3. Stop thinking about the past. Stop thinking they'll come back. Stop beating yourself up thinking they might have been 'the one.' Just try to move on.
And thereafter:
1. You will end up running into them. Try to make the encounter as painless as it can be. If you can't handle talking to them, wave hello from a distance and move on. If not, say hello, ask how they are doing and then move on. Hold your head high. It'll hurt to see them but they'll be hurting, too.
2. Don't continue holding onto them as your 'go to' person and do not be that for them. No matter what you tell yourself, you'll always believe there's a chance of getting back together. It's not true. They're probably just being nice or using you. Move on.
3. Move on. Meet new people. Allow yourself to feel. Trust me, it'll heal eventually
4. However, DO NOT SETTLE. You'll feel like you're going to be alone forever and no other person will compare to him/her. This is absolutely untrue. Love will find you again. If you don't feel it, don't get trapped in a mediocre relationship. You deserve better.
And here I go again, getting myself caught up in a long distance relationship.
1,100 miles long.
After three years of absolute torture you think I would learn, wouldn't you?
Of course not.
Of course I still think it can work.
Hopeless, endless, pure optimism
Yes, it's tough.
Yes, sometimes I cry for an hour missing him.
Yes, being surrounded by couples makes it worse.
Yes, I'm a little crazy.
But I believe it's worth it.
The problem is not dwelling on how lonely you feel at the moment, you have to remind yourself how absolutely wonderful it is when you're together.
Like how it feels to fall asleep watching a movie together
and how he tells you your so beautiful
and how cute he is when he's falling in and out of sleep mumbling sweet nothings
and the warmth your body feels when he's next to you
and the first excited kisses when you meet again at the airport.
Let those keep you going for the next two months until you get to see him again.
If you feel like it's worth it, go for it baby. Make it work.
I couldn't have said it better myself. You know, sometimes life seems to just stinkin suck. And when it rains, it pours. But you know what else? Sometimes you just have to carry on. Eventually everything will even out and you'll look back and be proud you conquered that mountain of shit. I have a terrible habit of letting stress with class overwhelm me. I see everything I have to do and I get so worried and stressed that I can't concentrate, making things even worse. But when I received a text at 9pm Friday night while I was trying to finish one last paper after a full week of deadlines, assignments, and work that simply said "take it easy on yourself" I nearly cried with relief. Sometimes I just need a little reminder to relax and let it be. I would have much rather preferred to cuddle up with a bottle of Jack but now that that hell week is over, I'm proud that I finished everything and carried on.
