WebMD: Heartbreak

It's no secret I've been through my share of break ups. Sometimes the dumper, sometimes the dumpee. Either way, it really sucks. Through each one I've found certain things help and other just make it worse. This is my heartbreak cure:

In the first 24-48 hours:

1. Cry. Let this period of time be dedicated to being sad. Look at the old pictures, reminisce on how great you felt with him/her, eat ice cream, listen to depressing music, and just cry. Trust me, if you pent it up, it'll work it's way to the surface eventually and be exponentially worse. Don't be afraid to cry in public places, people might surprise you. I walked into HEB bawling to buy two bottles of wine. The bagger gave me a hug.

2. DO NOT TEXT/CALL HIM/HER. This is absolutely vital. It hurts and not talking to them makes the cut even deeper but whatever you do, try your best to restrict contact.

3. If you decide to drink, do not do it alone. That will lead to drunken texts to your ex about how much you miss them or, if you're like me, drunken texts filled with angry words.

4. Watch these two amazing videos by Tyler Oakley (he holds all knowledge):

5. Reach out to your friends. They're your friends for a reason. Call your mom or a friend immediately after it happens. It's better to tell them while you're already upset and crying instead of having to bring it up later along with all those emotions.

The next few days-weeks:

1. Rid your room of all memorabilia of the relationship. You can't have a constant reminder of how much it sucks without them. Put everything away in a box and put it at the top of your closet or entrust it with a friend or family member. Or feel free to burn it, whatever works for you.

2. Feel free to text him/her but be rational. Do not start a fight, you'll just end up going in circles. Don't gush about missing them. Still keep contact restricted.

3. Delve into a hobby or sport. It'll feel good to make something with your hands or burn off all those calories you consumed the first two days. If you hate running, run when you feel like crying. There's nothing more distracting than pushing yourself.

4. Call your family often and hang out with your friends as much as possible. I was lucky enough to be broken up with right before Thanksgiving break. You're going to feel alone- just try to make it as minimal as possible.

A few weeks-a month later:

1. Reflect on the relationship. Not in a nostalgic way, but as a lesson. Broken relationships serve to teach us. Look back and try to recognize what you might have done wrong so you can improve in the future.

2. Go out. Get crazy with you friends because you can. Dance on a bar and shamelessly hit on people.

3. Stop thinking about the past. Stop thinking they'll come back. Stop beating yourself up thinking they might have been 'the one.' Just try to move on.

And thereafter:

1. You will end up running into them. Try to make the encounter as painless as it can be. If you can't handle talking to them, wave hello from a distance and move on. If not, say hello, ask how they are doing and then move on. Hold your head high. It'll hurt to see them but they'll be hurting, too.

2. Don't continue holding onto them as your 'go to' person and do not be that for them. No matter what you tell yourself, you'll always believe there's a chance of getting back together. It's not true. They're probably just being nice or using you. Move on.

3. Move on. Meet new people. Allow yourself to feel. Trust me, it'll heal eventually

4. However, DO NOT SETTLE. You'll feel like you're going to be alone forever and no other person will compare to him/her. This is absolutely untrue. Love will find you again. If you don't feel it, don't get trapped in a mediocre relationship. You deserve better.

I Need You So Much Closer

And here I go again, getting myself caught up in a long distance relationship.
1,100 miles long.

After three years of absolute torture you think I would learn, wouldn't you?
Of course not.
Of course I still think it can work.
Hopeless, endless, pure optimism

Yes, it's tough.
Yes, sometimes I cry for an hour missing him.
Yes, being surrounded by couples makes it worse.
Yes, I'm a little crazy.
But I believe it's worth it.

The problem is not dwelling on how lonely you feel at the moment, you have to remind yourself how absolutely wonderful it is when you're together.
Like how it feels to fall asleep watching a movie together
and how he tells you your so beautiful
and how cute he is when he's falling in and out of sleep mumbling sweet nothings
and the warmth your body feels when he's next to you
and the first excited kisses when you meet again at the airport.

Let those keep you going for the next two months until you get to see him again.
If you feel like it's worth it, go for it baby. Make it work.

Carry. On.

[Carry On by fun.]

I couldn't have said it better myself. 

You know, sometimes life seems to just stinkin suck. And when it rains, it pours.
But you know what else?
Sometimes you just have to carry on.
Eventually everything will even out and you'll look back and be proud you conquered that mountain of shit.

I have a terrible habit of letting stress with class overwhelm me. I see everything I have to do and I get so worried and stressed that I can't concentrate, making things even worse. But when I received a text at 9pm Friday night while I was trying to finish one last paper after a full week of deadlines, assignments, and work that simply said "take it easy on yourself" I nearly cried with relief. Sometimes I just need a little reminder to relax and let it be.

I would have much rather preferred to cuddle up with a bottle of Jack but now that that hell week is over, I'm proud that I finished everything and carried on. 

That's What Makes You Beautiful

There is no exquisite beauty... without some strangeness in the proportion. 

                      Edgar Allan Poe

As much as I try to hide it, I'm a tomboy at heart. And I actually pride myself in that. 

I'm a female; I have mood swings that could make The Hulk quake.

My favorite part of the summer is having the freedom to read whatever books I like. I've devoured two in the last week.

When I'm in a good mood, I dance around the house. Or make monkey noises. I can't help it, I get it from my mom.

I'm very particular about the way dishes are loaded into the dishwasher. After many years of being forced to do them at home, I've gotten pretty efficient at it. Seeing a poorly-loaded dishwasher is like nails scratching on a chalkboard to me.

I used to be embarrassed by my dad talking to every random stranger when we went to United, Auto Zone, Home Depot, etc. But now, I do the same. I like to think that our little conversation may have put the only smile on that person's face that day. 

I love complimenting strangers. Absolutely LOVE IT

I'm probably the clumsiest person you'll ever meet. I have countless scars from the random blunders I find myself in.

Nothing plucks my nerves like having to sit through a dinner with someone smacking.

When I'm sad about something, I tend to wallow. I listen to sad music, cry, paint or write, lay in bed, and eat ice cream until I feel like smiling again.

If I feel comfortable enough to give you hell,  I'm probably pretty fond of you.

I hate watching awkward moments on TV or in a movie. I literally cover my ears so that I don't have to listen to it.

The most attractive quality someone can have is the ability to be weird and crazy with me. 

I have a terrible habit of drunk texting people. Most of my confessions and angry rants have played out due to too much liquid courage.

I like blatant honesty. If you like me, tell me. If you don't like me, tell me. Confusion and mixed signals just piss me off, so chances are I'll give up and walk away.

All these things make me who I am, and that won't ever change. And I like that.

Being an Aunt

Being an aunt could quite possibly be is definitely the greatest aspect of my life.

There's nothing quite like baking in the kitchen with your niece or having your nephew come up to you and tackle you with a huge hug. Luke and Ella bring me pure joy.

One night in December I was over at Nicole's hanging out (and I'm sure helping out with some craft project) when Ella came over to me, crawled in my lap with her favorite book of stickers and starts sticking them onto my shirt. I tried to get her to put them on a piece of paper so that she could have something to show for her creative thinking but she insisted that I keep them on my shirt. Then she told me to "show papaw when you get home." My heart seriously melted.

Call me crazy but I have this shirt sitting on my chair at home with the stickers still on them. 

It's just something about the smile on a child's face that makes the world a much brighter place.

First Loves

You will never forget your first love.

You fall fast, hard, and passionately. Everything goes so quickly and you are in a state of pure bliss you never felt before. You aren't afraid of being hurt because you haven't lost love before. You jump into the water heart first.

And when you lose it, everything changes.
You still yearn for that love. Nothing will truly compare, but that's okay. You just can't confuse it for actually missing that person. You miss the feeling.

I think the most important task a first love does is to teach you.
It teaches you what love is.
It teaches you how to think of someone else before yourself.
It teaches you how delicate emotions are.
It teaches you compromise.
It teaches you cooperation.
It teaches you pain.
It teaches you loneliness.

There will always be a special place in your heart for your first love.
Just don't let comparison steal your joy.

Someone will come along that will make you realize why it didn't work out before.

Let. It. Go.

Stop letting the cockroach of doubt crawl into the blank spaces of the night.


Stop it.

Let. it. go. and let a little happiness creep into your life.
You'd be surprised where it may come from.

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

"I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care... I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."

-He's Just Not That Into You

I have a wonderful knack for making a fool out of myself. I put myself out there all the time and more times than not I end up with my foot in my mouth or embarrassed. But never once will I regret it. 
Sure, the next week I'll think to myself "oh, why did you do that? Stupid, Rachel. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." But I'm not one to hold things back, not anymore. It's better said than eating away like stomach acid on my heart.

At least no one ever has to guess how I feel about them, right?

A Post for My Dad

So I'm a little behind on Father's Day, but the sentiment is the same.

I never really realized how much of an impact my father has made on my life until recently. I'm his little girl, and I always will be. I'll always remember him calling me his angel and sitting on his knee- my favorite place in the world.

Our relationship is a little unspoken now that I'm an adult, but it still is just as important. I still treasure our time together, although now it's early in the morning drinking coffee in our backyard instead of camping at Palo Duro Canyon on a frigid weekend.

I don't say it enough, but my Dad has an extremely special place in my heart.

I pray I marry a man that is half the dad that he is to me.
He'll always be my number one man.

:)

My mind it kind of goes fast

The past two weeks have been a little rough for me.

For absolutely no particular reason. I have nothing big to worry about. But it never fails, every night I have a nightmare, bad dream, or series of bad dreams. I'm grinding my teeth and whimpering like a hurt puppy.

I don't even know what triggered this.

Maybe seeing my best friend get married to the most wonderful man flipped a switch in my head. I know I'm only 22. I know I'm being ridiculous. I'm just not where I thought I would be, now.

If you asked me 2 years ago where I'd be now, I would have said that I'd be engaged to Rob, graduated, and working at some lab to make money for my future with him.

I never guessed I'd be here.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
It's just not where I always imagined I'd be.

I like to plan, I like to know. So this whole not-knowing business drives me absolutely crazy.

I just need to look on the bright side. Now I can travel, go on adventures, explore the world. Maybe I'll end up opening a bakery like I've dreamed. Maybe I'll move to NYC.
Maybe.

We'll see where this year takes me.

Relapse.

Why must you infiltrate my @#$!^%* dreams again?













elaboration to come.

GLBT? Fine by Me

The homophobia in this town astonishes me.
I can't even.

I'm literally shaking and my heart is pounding thinking about the wonderful people I know that are mistreated just because of their sexual orientation.
THAT IS THEIR BUSINESS
they are still normal human beings.

Actually, they're stronger than I could ever be.
They face adversity every. single. day. And they still shine brighter than the sun.

so shame on you.
shame.


And all 'christians' that persecute the gay community just break my heart.
I thought God taught us to love all people. And not to judge, because that's his job in the end
Do you hate divorcees?
Because from your point of view, saying that being gay is a sin, no one else should be allowed in the church because of the sinful lives we all live. And if you've forgotten, God says that all sins are equal, no one is greater than the other.


“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
Matthew 7:1-5




I rest my case.

Wanderlust

wan·der·lust/ˈwändərˌləst/

Noun:

A strong desire to travel

I am passionately consumed by wanderlust.

I have an odd combination of personalities/ persons I identify with.
  The Texan in me loves country music, two-stepping, carport parties
  The city girl in me loves downtown, crowded places, busy bodies
  The indie in me loves Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Ray Bans, skinny jeans, Chuck Taylors
  The adventure in me loves camping, s'mores, hiking, repelling, nature

And the adventure is screaming to escape.
To take two weeks and backpack across the country
to drive from the east coast to the west coast
to say 'screw society' and live in the woods.


Graduation trip, maybe?

The Truth

"Women want to be treated like shit. It's just a fact, they're morons. Whether she's a super model, works at a daycare center, ugly, hot, it don't matter. You all look for the guy that pisses you off. The guy you can complain about trying to fix. Want to know the number one complaint I hear about men from women? 'He's too nice.' This is considered a detriment. Show me some girl that can date any guy she wants, 50 bucks says she's with some ass hole. You don't want nice, you want an ass hole... Ever hear of a guy breaking up with a girl because she's too nice?"

I'll admit it, it's true. Why?


But honestly, I think once a girl finds someone they truly love, that changes.
in the mean time, the ass holes will finish first.

But don't worry, the good guy wins in the end.

A Breathing Room for the Spirit

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time."
-Thomas Merton

The past year I've found perfect release in painting. I surely am not an artist but painting allows me to express what I'm feeling without truly even knowing, myself, what that is. When I have an overwhelming weight on my heart, I paint it out. These are the few pieces I've done that I'm proud enough of to share. They may not be beautiful, but they have so much meaning.
Yes, all are painted on scrap cardboard.

Inspiration: Swim by Jack's Mannequin

Jump.

The color gradient here is my absolute favorite. Each color has a specific meaning, especially the silver and gold highlighting the top and bottom, respectively. 

I was just exploring textures here. Not quite sure what I was even going for

What I'm currently working on (I'm actually letting the blue dry as I'm writing this). I'm really excited to see what it'll turn into. I was so upset last night that I said 'screw the brushes, I'm using my hands' and now I don't think I'll ever paint with a brush again. 

Just something fun I did as part of the decorations for Samantha's bachelorette party.